


The Solution to the Lack of Pirates in Hazbin Hotel

by RabidSquid



Series: Helluva Hazbin Collection [4]
Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series), Helluva Boss (Web Series)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Adventure & Romance, Age of Sail, Alastor is in Hell for a Reason (Hazbin Hotel), All sorts of misadventures, Alternate Universe - Pirate, Angry Vikings, Asexual Alastor (Hazbin Hotel), Blood and Violence, British Character, British Empire, But they were horrible so its okay, Cannibalism, Canon-Typical Violence, Davy Jones' Locker, Developing Friendships, Enemies to Friends, Epic Battles, Friendship, Hurt Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel), Husk is a US Marine, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Was Drunk When I Wrote This, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Ideaology has no borders, Imperialism, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Inaccurate Ancient Greek Religion & Lore, Japanese Mythology & Folklore, Killing Nazis, Multi, Mythology - Freeform, Mythology References, Non-Graphic Violence, Norwegian Mythology & Folklore, Ocean, Old Norse, Pirates, Pirates of the Caribbean References, Poor Life Choices, References to Ancient Greek Religion & Lore, Sailing, Sea God, Sea Monsters, Sirens, Soviet Union, Spanish Empire, Spanish Inquisition, Submarines, Typical British villain, Vikings, Villains, Violence, What Was I Thinking?, Why Did I Write This?, Wolfpack - Sabaton (Song), World War II, because pirates, lots of people die, maori mythology
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2019-11-25
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:05:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 21
Words: 13,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21553066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RabidSquid/pseuds/RabidSquid
Summary: Few things build character and develop relationships better then trapping everyone you know on a ship for a few monthsOr you've ensured cabin fever and probably multiple murders
Relationships: Alastor & Charlie Magne, Alastor & Husk & Niffty (Hazbin Hotel), Angel Dust & Charlie Magne, Angel Dust/Sir Pentious (Hazbin Hotel), Charlie Magne & Everyone, Charlie Magne/Vaggie
Series: Helluva Hazbin Collection [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1582909
Comments: 35
Kudos: 66





	1. Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No pirate is complete without their ship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me; finds no Hazbin pirate content
> 
> Me: There will be Hazbin Pirates, even if i must do it myself!

"Are you sure about this?"

"Course I am!"

Vaggie's eye narrowed as she studied the page in her hands, her long hair rippling in the cool breeze that rolled in from the sea. While her girlfriend had excellent handwriting, the moth demoness was still struggling to comprehend this. "Can't you read this instead?"

"Can't, I'm on the pipes." The princess replied as she readied her bagpipes set.

Groaning, Vaggie ran a hand down her face. "WHY are bagpipes necessary?"

"Because she's more likely to answer if someone took the time to learn how to play them." Charlie shrugged. "Guess it's a kind of nostalgia thing for her."

Sighing, the moth demoness held the paper to her eye as the drone of Charlie's bagpipes began to play. She had to admit, the princess was actually pretty good at the pipes. Squinting at the words, Vaggie cleared her throat. "Seachd...s-gadain sath...bradain."

The water around the pier they were on began to churn and roil.

"Seachd...bradain, sath...roin?"

An icy wind howled, Vaggie's grip tightening to keep the page from being torn from her grip.

"Seachd roin, sath..." The moth demoness' eye narrowed as she sounded the next few words out in her mind. "...mial-mor-mara."

Grey fog rolled in, the thick mist blanketing the surrounding docks.

"Seachd mial, sath Cirein-Croin."

When she looked up from the page, Vaggie yelped when she saw the ghastly ship that had appeared from nowhere right in front of her and Charlie. It looked much like those sailing ships she saw in those pirate movies in life, numerous scratches and cuts marring the wooden hull as ragged sails hung from the mainmast. While a large vessel, Vaggie could tell it was one of the more moderate sized ones, brigattine was it?

Charlie was bouncing on her feet as a gangplank was lowered, the princess eagerly leading her girlfriend onto the ship. Once onboard, Vaggie felt a chill in her spine but she appreciated the grim aesthetic of the vessel. The posts for the railing were carved into the shape of bones, skull and sea serpent motifs were etched into the walls of the captain's cabin. Jagged shark teeth were lashed along the railings, strange runes carved into the main mast as bloodstains were ominously painted all along the deck.

"Speak." A disembodied voice rang out, Vaggie turning her head here and there to try and find its source to no avail. It sounded like a woman's voice, her accent thickly Scottish.

"Hello Cirein-Croin!" Charlie brightly replied. "It's been a long time, but we actually met."

"Hae we now?"

"Yep! Remember the time you gave a cruise to Lucifer?" There was an eerie silence, the creak of wood and sloshing of water echoing all around them. "...was about 1704? You took us past Taiwhetuki?"

"Ahhhh, I recall yah." The voice chuckled. "Yer a real skinny malinky longlegs now."

"You've aged quite well too!" Charlie chirped.

"Anno." The ship's voice gave a quiet laugh. "So, ya seeking ta hire meh?"

"Yes! I have a bunch of people I'd like to get to get along and I figured a few weeks or so at sea will be the ultimate bonding exercise."

"That'ah so?"

"Because there's nowhere for them to flee if they try to get out of bonding." Charlie replied with a devious smile. Angel couldn't run off to pull off any of his antics if they were in the middle of the ocean, Husk had to learn to control his drinking because of limited alcohol supplies on the ship and all the while everyone would have to learn to get along.

"Pure dead brilliant." The Cirein-Croin snickered. "What's in it'ah fer meh?"

"I've saved up about one ton in gold and silver bars along with some gems." Charlie smirked. Vaggie in the meantime was trying to figure out how her girlfriend could understand what the ship was saying.

For a moment, there was nothing but the hiss of the ocean wind as the ship gently rocked in the calm waters. "...we have a deal Princess. When will you be ready to set sail?"

"Just give us a week." The princess replied.

"That'ah I can do." The Cirein-Croin replied.

"Thanks!" Charlie happily skipped down the gangplank and back to the pier, Vaggie following suit. The moth demoness looked over her shoulder once they were on land and the ship had completely vanished. "We're finally getting to go on a cruise Vaggie!"

"Well...it's not a complete romance cruise hun." Vaggie had to admit that the thought of being at sea with her girlfriend was actually rather nice, but their hotel's guests and staff was going to be stuck with them too. "We've still got rehabilitations and honesty seminars--"

"On a pirate ship!" Charlie's eyes were practically alight with stars. "Sailing the Stgyian Sea with our friends and getting into all sorts of adventures!"

The positivity radiating from the princess was contagious, Vaggie's normally frowning lips twitching upwards. At the very least, the more troublesome guests and staff members had nowhere to run while they were aboard the Cirein-Croin. As they climbed into the limo, Charlie was spouting all sorts of ideas as her girlfriend jotted them down on her notepad, the promise of seafaring adventures fresh in their minds.


	2. Adventure Awaits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, from here on out this will be Charlie's diary as they sail the oceans of Hell. Hopefully they'll sound in character. If not, do let me know eh?

_Day 1_  
Dear Diary,  
After a week of preparing, we're finally heading out to sea board the Cirein-Croin! Angel was more helpful then usual, but that's probably because we allowed him to invite Cherri Bomb to sail with us too. Vaggie was (understandably) less then pleased, but Angel insisted that Cherri's always wanted to be a pirate. The close friendship those two share is SO ADORABLE!! While we let her in the crew (I've got a pirate crew! This is so many fantasies coming true!), Vaggie made it clear that Cherri's not allowed to keep any explosives on her. She wasn't too happy with that condition, but she was so excited when she came aboard.

We also managed to get Sir Pentious onboard, he'll be excellent in our Forgive and Forget Seminar! Unfortunately, Alastor recruited him the way the British navy did back in the 18th century (read; he stuffed Sir Pentious in a sack and threw him on the ship). Pentious obviously wasn't too happy, but I think he was excited to find out he was sailing with us! At least I think that's what the screech he made meant when he finally got out of the sack.

And his Eggbois are with us. Alastor didn't kidnap any, but they just appeared. We don't know why or how.

Husk surprisingly insisted he took the helm. I always thought it was the captain that did that, but Husk assures me that ship captains typcially don't always take the helm. Vaggie started questioning him how he knew that, all he said was "I escorted convoys across the Atlantic under the nose of Karl Donitz before Angel's balls even dropped". I don't know what that means, but I made him the Helmsman. He's actually not that bad at it, but we're putting a drinking limit on him. I've seen drunk drivers and I do not want to see what a drunkard can do with a giant ship.

The sleeping situation is kinda tight though. Cirein-Croin has completely closed off the captain's cabin and all officer's quarters, leaving us with the general sleeping are below decks. There's enough room for everyone and the luggage and all, but we're all in one room with hammocks. While me and Vaggie knew that from the start, it's still kinda weird that pretty much everyone else will be able to see and hear us. Still, hammock cuddles are THE BEST!!

We've only been underway for a few hours, but land is to our rudder and nothing but open seas ahead! I've got a great feeling about this, I can't wait to go on this adventure!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The designs above are by me


	3. Voyage Underway

_Day 2_  
Dear Diary,  
So things are spiralling out of control already, I woke up to see Cherri strangling Sir Pentious as the Eggbois tried to pry her hands off his neck (she's actually pretty damn strong). Vaggie and I eventually got them apart, neither really had a clear reason on why that happened in the first place. Either Cherri broke something of Pentious' or Pentious tried to give her a bad haircut in her sleep. Anyways, we put them both on swabbing duty for the rest of the day.

Things worsened when Angel decided to prank Vaggie with a fish, four playing cards, and a cow skull. His fun was short lived though because he realized the only way to escape the beating Vaggie was about to give him was if he swam back. I still had to convince Vaggie not to drag him behind the ship and Alastor not to flog him (note to self; don't let Al learn anymore pirate torture techniques, keelhauling sounds too much like something he'd do). To no one's surprise, Angel made an innuendo about Alastor whipping him, so Al started using his magic to censor Angel everytime he makes innuendos or swears. It's actually pretty sophisticated, Angel only made a bunch of static noises when he tried to cuss a blue streak. That at least cheered Vaggie up a lot.

We're still pretty far from anywhere of note and there was no other ships, so that gave us time for the weekly Alcoholics Anonymous meet (need to find a new name, we all know each other. Is 'nonymous' a word?). Husk still hasn't opened up why he started drinking, but Angel was up for sharing. His drinking was a means to ease off the highs from cocaine when he needed to hide the fact he was high as a kite in life and the habit stuck after he died. While he's eased off on the drugs and booze since he signed up, we've caught him snorting a few lines every now and then. Hopefully being at sea with zero vendors will help him kick the habit.

Sir Pentious meanwhile is not that happy being here. He tried to ask if he could leave, but we told him if he wanted to he'd have to swim back to land. I'm pretty sure I heard him dramatically crying somewhere below decks later. His Eggbois are a little odd though. On the one hand they genuinely seem to want to help, they've been helping Niffty around the ship, helping Angel in the galley, and even helped Vaggie with the cargo manifest. However, they're kinda accident prone, Niffty's mopped up quite a bit of egg yolks.

Hopefully, things will improve the further along we go.


	4. Thunderin' Typhoons

_Day 5_  
Dear Diary,  
Terribly sorry for not writing an entry these past few days. We've hit rough weather and this is the first time I've had any me-time since the raining start. Personally, I'd say we're lucky that Cirein-Croin is alive and can tend to her own rigging. While I know my way around ships, I'm pretty sure that not everyone has as much nautical knowledge and they'd be looking at me funny if I told them to "luff the sails and lay them in irons". And we'd definitely be too short-handed to properly sail a ship this big.

However, there's still only so much Cirein-Croin can do on her own. Husk's been helping her stay on course while we've had to untangle some of the rigging when the wind's gotten worse (I think this is the equivalent of Cirein-Croin getting a muscle cramp). Angel's quite handy with up in the rigging and Pentious has helped with preventing us from taking on water. Him and the Eggs jury-rigged some sort of pump that keeps the ship from flooding and I have no clue how they managed that with what materials we had but it works.

While the weather's calmer now, it was terrible yesterday. Niffty nearly got swept overboard from the waves that swamped across the deck, Vaggie and Husk saved her both times. Hasn't been a picnic for the rest of us, me and Angel ended up sliding from one side of the deck to the other thanks to all the water that kept pounding us. Then there was when one of the sails ripped, Alastor's been below decks stitching away. And Cherri got tangled in the rigging and was hanging from a rope around her ankle for about an hour before Angel and Niffty got her down (in their defence, it's pretty hard climbing the ratlines in a typhoon).

Only bright side to all the rocking back and forth is that it rocks me and Vaggie's hammock in a very soothing way. She's already asleep as I'm writing and dammit she looks so beautiful when she's relaxed! All the tension's released and she looks so peaceful, it's an absolutely divine sight. Alastor says that he'll be on watch tonight, so I should hit the hay while I can.


	5. Hangman's Jig

_Day 6_  
Dear Diary,  
Coming up to almost a week at sea! We figured we'd have a little party of sorts and Cirein-Croin's all for it on the condition she gets to choose the music on Al's radio. I have no clue how she'll be able to play music through said radio, but I'm all for letting her be the DJ (she knows the BEST sea shanties).

Vaggie says that while liquor will be served, everyone's getting a drink limit. Admittedly she may have to enforce this at knifepoint to a few of the addicts onboard, but overall I don't think we'll have too much trouble. Angel and Husk are definitely going to try something to get more booze, but we'll be most vigilint! I'm glad I packed party games, we've got Twister, Clue, Jenga, a few card games, and <strike>Monopoly</strike>! (Scratch that, Vaggie told me that Monopoly accounts for most divorces in humans).

Angel said he'd handle the catering, he knows some lighter snacks he can easily whip up. He's actually a really good cook, Vaggie even went for second servings of his spaghetti and thanked him for the food (it was kinda begrudgingly, but still!). Alastor also volunteered to help, so he dived off the ship and came back with a shark. Apparently he's been meaning to try some of his recipes with shark meat instead so he's rather excited too.

So far the only wet blanket is Sir Pentious. When I told him about tomorrow night, he dove into a long tangent about how we ruined his plans to take the throne of Hell, how he would never stoop to socializing with us, that he would one day make the Overlords bow to him, ect. By the time he finished his monologue, it was already night.

I'm really looking forward to tomorrow night though!


	6. Asexual Pirates Are Not After Your Booty

_Day 7_

Dear Diary,  
So tonight wasn't quite as big a hit as I hoped. It wasn't that the games or food was bad, just a case of some party-crashers. I don't remember too much, so I'm going to have to go off what Angel and Alastor told me.

First, the party itself. From what I recall, it was going fairly well. Sir Pentious didn't show up as he said, but his Eggbois were joining in with charades (they're actually pretty good improv actors!), Angel served us some really good garlic bread, and Vaggie was finally able to unwind a bit. Cirein-Croin was singing us her favorite sea shanties, Alastor and Cherri ended up singing along when they figured out the lyrics. Husk was just drinking and didn't join in the games, but Niffty was having lots of fun.

It was around the point Angel was bringing out the tiramisu that my memory gets sketchy as I was having vivid hallucinations of Vaggie performing water ballet naked, so the following will be Alastor and Angel's account of what happened.

So, at one point everyone but Alastor and Angel freeze. They were confused at what was happening, but apparently we all started heading towards the starboard side with this hypnotized look. Angel eventually spotted some fishy (and I mean that literally) women in the water swimming around the ship and him and Al can hear them singing. They quickly connect the dots, but thats when we get caught in a strong current.

So Cirein-Croin was unaffected by the Sirens' song fortunately, but the current overpowered her. Alastor ended up taking the helm as the current took us through the Kraken's Fangs (a bunch of pointy rocks sticking out of the ocean with really bad currents) while Angel had to prevent us from jumping overboard and into the embrace of the starving Sirens. He ended up having to tie us to the mast, but that led to the Sirens boarding the ship.

Now I'm pleasantly surprised by this, but Angel and Alastor fought together to keep the Sirens off and the Ciren-Croin from crashing. Apparently they had a very coordinated fighting style that beat the Sirens off while Alastor got us clear of the Kraken's Fangs. Once we got far enough, we were no longer hallucinating. Unfortunately, Vaggie thought Angel and Al were attempting a mutiny and was trying to keelhaul them before I defused the situation and they explained what happened.

One look with a spyglass astern and sure enough I could see the trail of dead Sirens leading to the Fangs. So that proved they were being honest, but that still didn't answer why they were immune to the songs. Best guess we got was because of how uninterested in women Angel was and Alastor's complete lack of sexual impulse.

So that was not like what I planned, but all things considered the night went well. Vaggie managed a thank you for the guys (was through gritted teeth admittedly, but still) and Angel looked genuinely pleased for saving us. Even Sir Pentious begrudgingly thanked them!

After consulting the compass and sextant, we are WAAAYYYYY off course, we're northbound now. However, we're too far in to turn back so we're sticking it out on this new heading. Next stop, Helheim!


	7. Cold Waters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Making this chapter my usual 3rd person prose before resuming the entries in Charlie's journal

_Day 16_  
It had a long voyage and Angel never realized how much he could miss solid ground. The second their ship laid her anchor at the pier, the spider was the first among the crew to run straight for the rocky shore to kiss the solid ground. No more rocking with the waves, no more swaying back and forth as he walked in even the calmest of weather! Solid, unmoving ground!

The icy bite in his lips made Angel recoil after kissing the ground, the spider looking up to see snowdrifts piled high along the shore and atop the rooftops of the town. Despite his fur, a rather noticable chill coiled through his body and before long Angel was shivering as he ran back to the Cirein-Croin.

"You forgot this dumbass." Cherri snickered as she tossed a thick fur-lined coat to her friend.

"U-u-up yours!" Angel managed through chattering teeth. His coat may have been a dull greyish-brown and wasn't very flattering to his figure, but it was the warmest garment he owned. The fur lining was almost half a foot long and so thickly grown that it was able to warm the spider up in moments. "The Hell is it snowin' here anyways? I thought Hell was all fire an' brimstone."

"We're in Helheim." Charlie answered as she pulled in her plush pink scarf. Underneath her blood red captain's coat was a thick undercoat, her hands covered in bright red mittens. "It's in the Norse part of Hell, their Death Goddess rules this region."

"Norse?"

"Vikings Angie." Cherri smirked. Finally wearing a second boot, the anarchist had also swapped her sleeveless jacket for a black leather trenchcoat, a crimson skull and crossbones painted on the back.

Sir Pentious slithered towards the railing, the snake demon clad in a thick fur-lined cloak over his admiral's uniform. Even part of his "legs" was wrapped in scarves, mummifying Pentious from the waist down and almost to the tip of his tail. "W-w-w-when do w-we l-l-leave?"

"Three days ashore, then we head back south." Charlie announced.

"Outta my way, there's a bar calling my name." Husk elbowed past Pentious and Angel, the feline only adding a pair of felt boots to his pirate attire as he headed towards town.

"Seconded." Angel quipped as he followed Husk, Cherri not far behind.

"Stay out of trouble!" Charlie called out to the group as they neared the town.

In comparison to Pentagram City, Helheim was archaic and primitive. Thatch-roofed longhouses made most of the architecture, old wooden boards for walls that had many cuts and splinters in the wood. Snow filled the streets, forcing the crew of the Cirein-Croin to awkwardly waddle through the waist-deep drifts as a galeful icy wind tore through the air.

"How're you not cold?" Angel enviously glared at the felind demon in the lead.

"Cos I ain't a whiny bitch." Husk snapped. While a bit chilly, Husk was able to stiffly and slowly plough a path through the snow and straight to the awaiting longhouse with a sign reading 'Himmelen's Kant Pub'. Shaking the snow out of his fur, Husk led the other two inside.

The Sinners of Helheim were quite alien to Angel. While a fair share of them had animal traits such as a walrus, polar bear or a wolf, their fashion tastes were different from anything he had seen in Pentagram City. Iron armor and chainmail over roughspun shirts and trousers was a popular trend in Helheim from what he could see, a few wearing ancient helmets while others had fur-lined cloaks. But every single one of them was armed with a greatsword, double-headed axe, or twin spears, circular shields depicting sea serpents and dragons resting in arm's reach of most of the patrons.

"It's like I'm in a Tolkien book." Cherri murmured.

Approaching the bar, Husk took a seat. "Strongest ya got."

The second a gold coin hit the bar, the bartender nodded and handed Husk a tankard full of the local brew. Sliding next to the feline, Angel produced his own coins. "Make that three."

* * *

"So, we put these up and hope?"

"Pretty much."

Vaggie pursed her lips as she nailed a flyer for the Happy Hotel up on one of the Announcement Posts the Norse Demons used. While still in her pirate attire, the moth demoness had a stylish black leather greatcoat over it, skull and flower motifs adorning its buttons and sleeves. "Well, it'll be a miracle if any of these guys are interested."

"It's why we're doing it!" Charlie chirped as she tucked another flyer in the thin crack between a door and a wall. "Everyone deserves a chance and these will help us find those that want to change for the better."

The moth demoness' long silver hair whipped in the icy gale, Vaggie muttering a string of curses as she wiped a few stray strands off her face. "It's been a few hours, we should probably check on Angel before he pisses off the wrong guy again."

Much as she loathed to admit it, her girlfriend had a point. Although he was with the marginally more responsible Husk, Charlie wasn't too certain about the idea of leaving an unsupervised Angel in a town full of angry murderous drunk Vikings. The two women approached the pub and were taken aback by the loud cheering that came from all the patrons.

"SKØL! SKØL! SKØL!" The many Norse Sinners chanted in unison, Husk and a hulking walrus demon with an impressive beard both chugging their own tankards. Slamming them on the bar, the two loudly belched to everyone's cheers as anothe round was brought up.

Mild panic grew in Charlie's mind as she frantically searched for Angel Dust. Fortunately, she quickly found him among the crowd and cheering on the drinking compettition. The spider noticed the pair, Angel carefully picking his way through the crowd towards them. "I thought you two were both straight-up sober?"

"We are, just wanted to make sure you were behaving yourself." Vaggie's eye could practically bore a hole through someone as she glared at the spider.

"Aw c'mon! I've been sober two weeks and I haven't even been causing as much mayhem like I used to!" Angel whined. "Can't I at least get some action?!"

"Well...consensual sex is not sinful..." Charlie remarked. "And it's not like he'll be able to get his hands on any drugs up here."

"Exactly!" Angel gestured to the princess to help emphasize her case before motioning to the crowd. "And I don't think those two will leave enough booze for me to get drunk on either."

Glancing between the two, the moth demoness groaned. "FINE, but some ground rules first!" Now it was Angel's turn to groan. "No filming it, no orgies, and no sleeping with the wrong guy's boyfriend or something. Got it?"

"Ugh, fine." Angel peeled his coat off as he adjusted his fluffy bust. "Should I be home by 11 too?"

"Actually--" Charlie began.

"Nevermind, got some sweet Viking ass to get." Angel quickly turned on his heel to disappear into the cheering crowd.

"...this will backfire. I just know it." Vaggie sighed.

"We don't know that." Charlie cheerfully replied.


	8. To Valhalla!

_Day 19_  
Dear Diary,  
Okay, good and bad news from our brief stop in Helheim.

Bad news was that Angel slept with Chieftain Ghoulbeard's husband. He did behave during our stay and all, but it he still dropped the ball on our last night there (he claims that he didn't know that Bjeornacht was married until it was too late. He seems to be telling the truth, but Vaggie isn't convinced). We ended up having to flee Helheim as an angry mob of Vikings chased us out. Fortunately, they didn't chase us at sea, but that's probably because the Krakens and Jormungandr prowl the waters around Helheim.

Good news was that we didn't leave anyone behind and we also got 40 new applicants for the Hotel! Some of the Vikings were intrigued enough to sign up, so they're with the crew now. They're getting along great with Cirein-Croin, she says it nice to have people that share a similar taste in music and entertainment (read; pillaging and plundering) aboard. They've also taken a shine to Husk as well thanks to his drinking, they call him '

Concerning the new applicants, they're biggest Sin is Violence and a fair amount of Greed. They admit to virtually always picking the bloodiest option in pretty much every social interaction and in life they were some of the most bloodthirsty warriors that ravaged Europe. They have an addiction of sorts to bloodshed, a deep psychological impulse to pummel, maim, dismember and kill (not so much torture though, they seem to prefer making the kills as quick as possible). While they're all honest with themselves about their bloodlust, they still have a lot of work to do. For now, I'm thinking we start with Venting lessons.

Niffty is not that pleased to have them onboard though. In her defence, she makes a valid argument because I really can't find a single one of them who does not have a weapon or pair of boots leaving blood behind them. They weren't pleased to hear that they have to clean up after themselves, apparently they like smelling like rotten blood (Alastor's the only one not gagging on it. The Eggbois don't seem to mind it either but I don't think they can smell anything).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Angel really wasn't trying to cause trouble, he honestly didn't know Bjeornacht was married until his husband was trying to stab him


	9. World Serpent

_Day 20_  
Dear Diary,  
So remember those sea monsters I mentioned earlier? A few of them decided to rock up and eat us.

A swarm of Jormungandr Elvers came up a little after lunch. Ended up melting a few Eggbois with their Venom Breath before we got our rears into gear. Our Norse had more experience with these creatures, they were able to hold off quite a bit. Alastor was tempted to use his full power, but I convinced him not to as this cruise is supposed to help build team-work, not rely on Al bailing our asses when something goes wrong. He still disentigrated a few Elvers, but he kept it under control.

Vaggie ended up getting a lot of praise from the Norse. Was pretty uncomfortable for her, but a bunch of Norsemen picked her up and started chanting "Gungnir" after she threw one of her spears through an Elver's head so hard it punched through its skull and flew right out the other end with its brain on the tip (she still had her panic reaction of getting her knives out, but she did not attack once she realized that they were praising her. Kudos to her for that!). They ended up taking Elver carcasses for a big feast and one of them, a boar demon named Thrym, gave Vaggie his spear in recognition of "her battle prowess and ferocity". They meant well and all, but I could tell she was feeling a little overwhelmed from the attention so I helped excuse her from the party.

Angel, Cherri and Husk are having a fun time. Last I saw Husk, he won a drinking compettition and is now trying to prove he can still dance. Cherri got into a few arm-wrestling matches with the Norsemen and women and won. They're throwing a similar sort of celebration thing for her like Vaggie's but Cherri's a lot more into it. And one of Angel's one night stands is onboard and I'm pretty sure they're trying to go for a "second round" so I need to go make sure it's not in here because Vaggie and Pentious are trying to sleep.


	10. Hangover

_Day 21_  
Dear Diary,  
Remember how we ate some of the Jormungandr Elvers last night? Turns out the flesh is mildly poisonous. It's not a life-threatening toxin, but it'll give anyone an upset stomach and wicked headache for a few days.

The only ones other then me who's alright are the Norse, Razzle, Dazzle, and Alastor (to some degree. He can still walk and such, but I'm pretty sure it's a lot harder for him then he'll ever admit). Only reason the Norse are alright is because they've eaten so much of the Elver meat over the centuries that they've got an ironclad stomach. And Razzle and Dazzle have eaten a lot worse then mildly poisonous meat (I don't think they can even get food poisoning).

Vaggie is unfortunately in a really bad mood. While I understand why, I've still had to talk her out of throwing knives at Angel more then usual. Angel on the other hand is loudly whining but at least he's not up to his usual shenanigans. Husk and Pentious are just sleeping it off and this is the very first time I've seen Niffty bedridden. Until today, I thought that was on the list of rarest sights in all of creation. It's actually kind of unsettling.

Alastor's taken the helm and I've pretty much become Florence Nightingale. I'm running all over below decks trying to keep the sick comfy and while I'm a pretty good cook, I'm pretty sure they're all getting sick of the chicken soup. The Norse are getting rowdy too and with Al not being 100%, I'm also trying to keep a bunch of angry Vikings from rioting. Several brawls already broke out, from what I can see they're addiction to violence is so much worse then I thought. It's a borderline curse really (maybe it is a curse?)

From what I've learnt, Jormungandr poisoning takes about a week to filter out of the body. This is promising to be a very stressful next few days.


	11. Fresh Trail

_Day 24_  
Dear Diary,  
The Norse left. I tried to convince them to try and keep with the program, but they're just too addicted to bloodshed. If they don't get someone else to fight, they turn on each other. I really didn't want them to leave, but Alastor does make a valid point; they could turn on us.

At the very least, we dropped them off on an island (I'm pretty sure it's one of the Jotun's islands, it looks like it might've been part of Ymir). There's plenty of game and a sizable forest, so they can settle or build their own ship. Really sucked saying goodbye, but the biggest part of Redemption is that the Sinner has to choose to walk this path. Forcing anyone to is counterproductive. At the very least, the Norse were fun company for their time here.

Everyone else seems to be recovering from the poisoning at least. Vaggie can walk now, but her head's still hurting. Cherri hasn't blown up anything in awhile either, the booms give her one mean headache. Angel insists he's bedridden, yet he's looking better then before. Pretty sure he's just trying to get out of working. Husk hasn't improved, being sober has given him really bad shaking and he's a lot more vocal about his irritability. I never thought I'd miss Mr. Grumpy Muttering in a Corner, but the usual Husk was better company then this one who's nearly strangled half of everyone that's come within 6 feet.

But on the rainbow side of the news, I FOUND AN HONEST TO GRANDPA TREASURE MAP!!! It was just in the cargo hold, sticking out between two crates. Has the cryptic pirate-y clues in the form of poetry, the little skull and crossbones in the corner, the DOTTED LINE AND X, EVERYTHING!! Angel and Sir Pentious are interested in it too, I just need to figure out what the first clue means then we'll know where it is;  
_Between the daughters of Neptune,_  
_through the accursed defile,_  
_did I cross with gold in my hand,_  
_lost in the sand of the forgotten isle._

This sounds familiar, I know I've heard it before. But where?


	12. Daughters of Neptune

Day 25  
Dear Diary,  
I think I've figured it out! Scylla and Charybdis occupy both sides of the infamous Trident Strait; where the River Styx pours into the Stygian Sea. Both of them were once Nereids and thus are Neptune's daughters. Ergo, the treasure is beyond them!

Now, here's what I recall from Mom's geography lessons for Hell; the Trident Strait leads to one of the rivers of the upper levels of the Underworld. As such, it's one of the ways the Death Gods travel between Hell and their domains, any Demon typically barred from going upriver and possibly escaping Hell, hence Charybdis and Scylla. However, Mom recalls that some small islands are scattered in the Strait, used to be a sort of way station for the Death Gods way back when. Past those islands is the giant waterfall that leads up to the domain of Hades.

The biggest problem we face is obviously Charybdis and Scylla. They never replied to my peace offerings beyond trying to eat me, so we'll just need to try and run the blockade (movie reference FTW!). On the one side is Charybdis; a giant whirlpool full of teeth that could easily eat us whole. On the other side is Scylla; a really huge draconic gal with lots of teeth and tentacles. While neither can move from their spot, they have a big enough reach to make the middle the edge of Charybdis' suction and the reach of Scylla.

Obviously, there's a very high chance we could all get eaten alive. So I pitched this venture to everyone else. Overall most of them are up for taking the risk, only Vaggie and Husk are doubtful (for perfectly valid reasons though; someone could've gotten the treasure already and of course the risk of imminent death). Although this is a very risky venture, we're taking it.


	13. X Marks the Spot?

_Day 29_  
"Anything?"

"Just more rocks."

Charlie groaned, the princess stretching an arm down to help Vaggie out of the hole. While they found the island, the clue referring to where the treasure was buried on it was the most cryptic part. In the span of 2 days the crew had dug 12 holes trying to find it, Charlie producing the maddeningly unhelpful page again after handing her girlfriend the picnic basket the princess brought over.

"Y'know, I thought pirate treasure hunts based on a bunch of cryptic metaphorical riddles were supposed to be fun." Charlie muttered as she scanned the map yet again. The 'X' only marked off which of the islands in the archipelago it was buried on, but a stanza of poetry was all they had to go on for where it was buried on the island.

"May I?" Vaggie took a look at the map, the moth demoness munching on a sandwich. "Okay, so it talks about an elder tree..."

"Just like this whole small forest." Charlie sighed as she motioned to the hundreds of ancient trees covering the island.

"...that's next to a black stone..."

"Which almost all the rocks on this island are."

"...and in the shadow of two branches forming a X at a depth of about 6 feet."

"Which is where this hole is and every other one we've dug up." Charlie had steepled hands as she pondered. "Where'd they bury it...."

Finishing her lunch, Vaggie was secretly doubting that the treasure was still here. Despite the logical assumption that someone else had beaten them to the loot, she kept helping her girlfriend with digging at possible locations because frustrated as Charlie was, the moth demoness could tell that the princess was far from giving up.

"I'm thinking we head back, see if the others are faring any better." Charlie announced as she got to her feet. She had left her captain's tricorn on the ship, her dark blue bandanna swaying in the breeze.

While the foilage was thick, the forest covering the island wasn't too dense. Both women could tell where they were going, even with no path beaten into the ground. Hefting a pair of shovels over one shoulder, Charlie hummed a tune as Vaggie caried a pickaxe and the picnic basket. Passing a few other holes, the couple began carefully edging down a slope, the Cirein-Croin anchored in the distance.

Rocks clattered as they navigated the rocky beach, Eggbois scurrying about with all manners of woodworking tools. Cut logs were lying on the shore, the Eggs busy cutting them into planks and beams. Their boss was helping them load a raft with the boards, the raft attached to a pulley that stretched between the ship and the shore.

"Haul away!" Sir Pentious ordered, several Eggbois manning the make-shift capstan that was on the beach. With each turn of the capstan, the raft began moving closer to Ciren-Croin, the snake demon snapping to attention as the princess neared. "Acquisition of materials are going well captain! Repairs will be well underway within the day."

"Thank you Sir Pentious." Charlie liked the old demon. Despite constantly getting his ass handed to him, he never failed to get back up to try again. That kind of drive was rather admirable, even if he was a walking example of the goofy supervillains Vaggie told her about from earth cartoons. "How long will they take?"

"A few days at least, but we'll need to dry dock her to give her proper repairs." The snake replied.

"I'll take a look for any ports later." Vaggie's tone was akin to a deathly sword in its sheath, calm yet ready to spill blood. "You heard from any of the others?"

"I've not seen any of those buffoons since this morning." Sir Pentious' snarky tone vanished as the princess raised a brow at him. "...but the one-eyed young lady ran off with a barrel of gunpowder earlier."

Innate panic settled in Charlie's gut. "Where'd she go?!"

"That way--"

Dropping her shovels, Charlie was sprinting as fast as she could in the direction the snake pointed to. An unsupervised Cherri with any manner of explosive was a terrifying thought and knowing the others, they wouldn't really try and talk her out of detonating something. Vaulting over fallen trees and jutting rocks, the princess froze when she heard a familiar voice in the distance.

"FIRE IN THE HOLE!!"

The ground shook, a loud boom rumbling in the air. A flaming dust cloud was thrown up over the tree-line, several more following. While still winded as a rush of air blew in her face, Charlie was overall safe from the series of explosions. Dust clouded the forest, but another voice cut through the ringing in Charlie's ears.

"I AM GOING TO KILL HER!!" Vaggie snarled as she caught up to Charlie, eye brimming with murder.

* * *

Come the afternoon, the crew was gathered near Sir Pentious' work site. The snake demon was busy with his work, but Charlie had the rest of them assembled. "Okay, so things have taken an...interesting turn..."

A soot-covered Cherri snickered, Vaggie's eye glaring at the demolitionist.

"...and thus far we've turned up empty-handed." The princess gave a shaky chuckle. "So, I gathered you all so we could decide if we keep looking or cut our losses. While I'm all for trying to find the loot, I'd be glad if the only treasure we walk away with is our friendship."

"FUCK that, I want my damn gold!" Angel snapped. "I didn't nearly get eaten alive by a damn ocean dragon bitch to walk away poor!"

That response immediately got an angry reply from Vaggie, a yelling match breaking out and threatening to escalate to a full on brawl. While trying to defuse the situation, Charlie hadn't noticed the Eggboi that was waddling past with a coil of rope. Curiosity blooming, Niffty zipped after the Egg.

Sighing as he took a deep swig from his rum bottle, Husk watched the unfolding drama with disinterest. It wasn't until his lazy gaze turned inland that he saw Niffty following one of Sir Pentious' minions. Popping the cork back on his bottle, the feline demon flapped his wings to swiftly close the gap between himself and the tiny duo.

"Where you heading?" Husk drawled.

"I'mhelpingthisguygethisfriendoutbecausetheselittleguysarereallyhelpfularoundtheship!" Was the small cyclops' reply in her usual rushed voice.

"Number 363 tripped into a giant hole full of shiny stuff!" The Eggboi added.

That response got Husk to raise a feathery brow. Maybe, just mabye... "Shiny stuff?"

"Yep!" The Egg minion replied. "We should probably hurry though, he said that gold bars aren't very comfy seats."

That got a face-palm from the drunkard. "...I'll go let the others know."

Niffty nodded before her and the Eggboi continued on. However, they heard the boom of a shotgun accompanied by the feline yelling "Everyone shut up!!"

* * *

"What makes you so certain that your little oviary minion was not suffering from brain damage?" Alastor was leaning against a tree, head tilted with his trademark grin.

"My minions are not that incompotent you scheming wendigo!" The snake demon hissed, scarlet eyes narrowing in contempt.

"No fighting!" Charlie huffed at the two. Despite her rather adorable features, the princess managed to muster enough authority to get the two to cease their bickering.

There was a clatter from the hole in the ground, the rope leading into it wriggling. Everyone fell silent as they watched Niffy clamber out, the tiny demoness hefted out of the ground with ease by Husk. Dusting herself off, Niffy looked up at the others.

"....well?" Angel impatiently asked.

Shrugging the satchel off her shoulder, Niffty allowed it to drop onto the ground with a heavy clank. Its clasp became undone from the impact, allowing gold coins to spill out.

Stunned silence descended, even Alastor was eyeing the treasure with some measure of greed. A quick glance into the hole revealed much more loot hidden below, faint sunlight reflecting off glimmering mounds of gold and silver coins, crucifixes, chalices, jewellry, and precious stones.

"....ka-ching!" Cherri crowed.


	14. Treasure Trove

_Day 30_  
Dear Diary,  
We finished digging up the treasure! May not be one of the biggest troves in Hell, but it's definitely a good haul! Vaggie volunteered to crunch the numbers, but we're looking at a few tons of gold and silver made into rings, necklaces, bracelets, and chalices. All of them then decked out with rubies, sapphires, emeralds, and diamonds.

Angel's already taken a bunch of the jewellery, just about every finger on all fours arms is now pimped out with rings and the wrists with bracelets (and he's got more in his new ruby-encrusted jewellery box). Cherri and Sir Pentious have gotten into a small fight over some of the loot, managed to break them up before Cherri got her hands around his neck again. That scuffle aside, spirits are high onboard! Figures that one of the few things all people will bond over is cash.

Cirein-Croin's doing much better, Sir Pentious has been fixing her up rather well according to her. She wasn't pleased with our little sojourn past Charibdyis and Scylla, but the fact we're giving her a fair share of the loot tided her over (A little over 300 years and I still can't figure out why she craves gold so much despite being a literal ship. How does she even spend it??). We've stocked up enough spare materials in the event we take more damage as we sail back, Pentious just has a few more things to fix up below.

Now, first time we passed through the Trident, we tried our luck with Scylla. We didn't kill her and we still got through, but Angel's description of it as "a horror movie version of hentai" was frightfully accurate. This time we're taking Charybdis, meaning a powerful whirlpool current that's full of teeth. Not smooth sailing at all, but Husk reckons he can get us through so long as we handle the teeth. Cherri and Angel say that they can probably handle those, they're only asking for unrestricted use of gunpowder. Vaggie's understandably wary of the idea, but we don't exactly have much choice. Cirein-Croin's cannons are better suited for hitting larger targets and they can't quite get a good angle on anything jutting out of the water anyways.

Regardless, we've gotta run the Trident again.


	15. Full Sails!

_Day 31_  
Dear Diary,  
I cannot emphasize how lucky we were passing by Charybdis. Husk was able to keep us steady as he sailed through the current, but that still left us the teeth. Cue Cherri and Angel absolutely demolishing them with a combination of swivel guns and homemade bombs. They just blasted their way through, the majority of the teeth blown to bits when we cleared the Trident. We still took a few scrapes, but rest assured that things could have been so much worse.

Once we got clear of the Trident, rest of the day was mostly uneventful. Still productive though, Vaggie finished the math on our treasure and deduced that we had sufficient funding for about 5 months at sea and still had enough to give everyone a hefty bonus pay. Unsurprisingly, a few were demanding we headed to the nearest town for some RNR and to be honest, we definitely deserve some down time.

Consulting the map puts the nearest port about a week away and it's Port Royal. After the earthquake that ravaged it, it sunk here and is still an island of absolute chaos. Just about every pirate that's ever sailed Hell's seas has laid anchor there at some point, so it's looking like its our turn. It's a rougher town then Pentagram City, but then again it has a higher concentration of Wrath and Greed Sinners passing through with plenty of cheap booze.

Me and Vaggie have been chatting about what we could do when we lay anchor. Sure the streets have mean-spirited drunks, but the food is really good and I've been dying for some good shellfish lately. While Vaggie's worried about getting into a fight with the locals, she did tell me a story about the seafood she enjoyed back on Earth and she had the prettiest smile when she was talking about it! (I recall a good fish place there, but due to general mayhem someone may have blown it up by now).

Sir Pentious has been really cagey about where we're going for some reason. He's adamant about staying on the ship while we're on land, he just got really hissy (HA, Al would be proud of that one!) when I tried to ask him why. None of the Eggbois know why either, so I guess he'll just be slinking below decks while we're in Port Royal.


	16. Blood in the Water

_Day 32_  
Dear Diary,  
We've picked up a tail. The ship appeared port-side earlier this morning and has been on our stern all day. Been trying to hail them but they're not running up any colors. They haven't shot at us, but that may be because they're too far from us. Regardless, we agreed that we should get to Port Royal sooner rather then later.

The usual deck-chores went without much incident. Cherri cleaned out all the cannons without firing them for once! She's been getting along with Niffty this whole voyage, Cherri's been better at cleaning up the soot and ashes from her explosives and Niffty is noticably a lot happier with that. I did overhear them discussing many ways to murder a man if he cheats on a woman (Cherri was pleasantly surprised when Niffty proposed locking him in a box with venomous centipedes) and while morbid, they're still becoming friends!

Angel's gotten through his drug withdrawls too! Him and Husk are still hitting the bottle pretty heavily, but Angel is sticking to the drinking limit rule (helps that if we run out of booze, it stays depleted until we return to port). Still has some violence issues, but he finally brought up his family in therapy today! Can't discuss the finer points here (doctor-patient confidentiality and all that jazz), but a LOT of what he's been through is because of his dad. During Venting, I had him pretend the punching dummy was his dad and he proceeded to rip it apart in ways that even made Vaggie pause and he got an approving look from Al (that is both nice and worrying).

Husk is still his usual drunken, sullen self, but I just saw him do the cutest thing earlier tonight! He was at the helm as usual and Niffy came up to chat with him I guess. When I looked up though, he was showing her these really simple magic tricks (the 'is this your card' and 'what's that behind your ear?' among others) and Niffty looked so UWU at it! She was clapping and asking for more, it was SO ADORABLE!!


	17. In the Name of God

_Day 33_  
Dear Diary,  
The ship is still on our tail. Husk deduced that while it was gaining, it would take a few days for it to actually be a viable threat. It's definitely bad news, I was able to get a good look at the flag it flies and it's part of the Cristero Armada (Former Spanish Inquisitors and European Witch Hunters leading religious zealots that used the Bible solely as grounds for murder, torture, burning at the stake, etc). These guys think that viciously torturing and Erasing demons is their ticket to Redemption instead of, you know, actually trying to Redeem their souls. While we have a large lead on them, they will try and pick a fight if they get in range.

Alastor suggested we pull an about-face for a surprise attack on them, but I really don't want to start a fight. I am willing to fight back if they actually open fire, but still. The point of this team-building exercise cruise is to encourage a more peaceful way of life, so for now we're running. While he's complying, I do not like the way Al's been grinning. It's the kind of smile he usually has before turning someone into a new voodoo doll for him.

Angel's in a bad mood though. He talked about his mom and he definitely was closer to her between his parents. While religious, she was one of the ones who was really welcoming to anyone regardless of sexual orientation, race, etc. while his dad was one of the ones who tried to use religion as justification for his abuse (the same guy who murdered and stole his way up the Mafia food chain). Angel's wanting to pick a fight with them too, took both me and Vaggie to talk him out of it. Even then, he's been in an unusually dark mood.

While we're not planning on getting into a fight, we're still preparing for one. Cherri's got the powder and shot at the ready while Pentious opened up his armory for the Eggbois (I'm actually impressed that he managed to build some flintlock guns with only some spare wood and scrap metal). Husk's footlocker is next to the helm at all times now while Alastor is just watching the Cristero ship. I really don't want to fight, but I probably won't have a choice on the matter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some clarification;  
The Cristero Armada gets its name from the Catholics that revolted against the Mexican government during the regime of President Calles and his ruthless attempts to remove all religion from Mexico in 1926, but the Armada consists mostly of Catholic Inquisitors from the Spanish Empire nearly 400 years beforehand. Catholic witch hunters from other European countries are members too along with some of the Mexican Cristeros, but they are not wholly accurate of Catholicism.
> 
> The Armada may be religious, but they're the kinds that committed heinous atrocities with religion as the sole justification rather then actually reading the parts of the bible that speak of goodwill towards others and such. Consequently, Armada members are of those Catholics that were terrible hypocrites, all the good Catholics up on high.
> 
> Do keep that in mind for this fic


	18. Gone Troppo

Day 36  
Dear Diary,  
Sorry for taking awhile to write, the last few days were hectic. It'll take me a little while to fully recap what happened, but here goes...

First, the Cristeros. They managed to get close enough for their chase cannons to glance us. Nothing more then chipped paint at first, but it was enough to get us ready for returning fire. We were nearing shallower waters as they closed in, we were passing the Hangman's Archipelago. So, that gave us some reefs and rocks that we were able to drop the anchor on for a quick turn. Caught the Cristeros by surprise, we managed to hit them with a broadside. Only had the prow facing us, but our 17 port-side guns still put the hurt on them. Sure enough, they turn and return fire.

At this point, it's the range game. We're trading fire for an hour and we manage to get a lucky shot in their magazine. Doesn't sink them, but the bonfire that broke out was enough to drive them off. They made a run for it and left us with some moderate damage. Pentious was already on it as Niffty started patching up the sails, but that was when we realized that Husk and Angel are missing. One retrace of their steps and we deduce that the blast from one of the Cristero's shots sent them flying off.

So I'm freaking out so badly that Vaggie had to step up (at least until Alastor tried to take commmand. The two argued over whether or not the First Mate outranked the Quartermaster until the sun went down before compromising). We zig-zagged across the Hangman Islands in our fight with the Cristeros, so now we had to find Angel and Husk on the islands. It was gruelling work, we had to keep laying anchor, rowing to land, comb the island, paddle back and raise anchor before rinsing and repeating.

So that went on for a few days. Biggest reason we found them rather quickly was because the Eggbois mistook Angel covered in seaweed for a mermaid. Sure enough we found them on an island. I'm pretty sure Angel was suffering from heat stroke because he draped kelp all over himself and attached a starfish and a few clams to himself and proclaimed himself to be "the one and true king of this godless island" (that got a few laughs from Cherri and Vaggie took photos). Husk was further inland and had knocked over a few trees from banging his head against them because of how annoying Angel was.

Husk has taken over the galley that has booze in it while Alastor said he'd take care of Angel (read; he was waterboarding him in an icy water tub until I found them). We may have burnt a lot of time, but we should be reaching Port Royal soon.


	19. Most Wicked Place on Earth

Day 37  
Dear Diary,  
We're a little ways behind schedule, but we're making good time to Port Royal. Angel's snapped out of the island fever this morning and he's been kinda quiet. Doesn't look upset or anything, just hasn't riling up Vaggie or trying to seduce Husk or Alastor. The relative calm is nice and all, but it's still a little odd. Hopefully nothing bad has happened to him.

Messenger Cacodemon came in today too, me and Vaggie have been invited to the Cavalier Ball at Port Royal by Uncle Stolas! It'd be nice to see Uncle Stolas again and its a night of dancing with full catering, PERFECT DATE NIGHT. Vaggie's a little unsure because that means leaving the rest out of sight, but Alastor insisted we go. He made some good points as this would be a golden opportunity to try and persuade some of the higher ups to supporting the Hotel and some one on one time for me and Vaggie. She was displeased that Al was suggesting it, but she did agree that it's been a little too long since we got to do anything with just the two of us.

We're not too far out from Port Royal, so we've got time to get our outfits sorted for the big night. I'm thinking I'll stick with the pirate-y look, but make a few adjustments (I've been itching to break in that cool black captain's coat I have). Vaggie says that she's got a surprise outfit she'll show me on the night, I am SO HYPED TO SEE IT.

Everyone else doesn't mind that me and Vaggie are having a night out with the uppity class, Husk says that he knows some good bars that are more everyone's scene. While definitely a good fit for them, Alastor doesn't like ball parties much. "Never enough lively music for my tastes" he says. Oddly, Sir Pentious was in a foul mood about the Ball when he heard of it. He's attended some of the past ones and he's never been one to turn down the chance to be rubbing elbows with the nobility. He claims that he'd rather be with the Radio Demon then those "buffoons of counts and barons".

Regardless, I'm looking forward to a night of ballroom dancing with Vaggie!


	20. Music of the Night

Day 39  
"You alright babe?"

"Eh, just a bit nervous meeting your Uncle Stolas for the first time is all."

"Well I know he's going to love you!" Charlie replied, her finger booping the moth demoness' nose.

The soft smile Vaggie had was tempered with apprehension in her eye. "Well....it's just the tabloids about him. And how you told me they're not completely wrong..."

"....ah." Charlie nervously chuckled as she ran a hand through her hair. "...well, just because he's a complete man-whore doesn't mean he's a bad relative of mine. He has always been appropriate around me since I was a kid and he's more interested in guys anyways."

"Alright..." Taking a deep breath, Vaggie leaned her head on her girlfriend's shoulder. "Still kinda nervous meeting the in-laws is all."

That made Charlie's eyebrows quirk in a teasing way. "In-laws?"

Flustered red tinted grey cheeks. "Slip of the tongue."

While the princess dropped the subject, the prospect of marrying the woman at her side refused to leave her mind. They had been a couple for 3 years now and have known each other for 5, so maybe the time was right...

The sight of the dancefloor snapped Charlie back to reality. Golden candlelight reflected off black marble like stars along the floor, silver candleabras crafted in the likeness of snakes lining the polished granite walls. A golden chandelier with glimmering sapphiers hung in the center, tormented souls in the Lake of Fire masterfully painted across the ceiling as pillars carved into grimacing skeletons held up the roof. A full buffet table with mountains of roasted meats and all manners of hor'deourves lined the right side of the wall, those that weren't picking from the table dancing across the gilded onyx floor.

"...whoa." Vaggie breathed, eye wide.

The unusually tall and rather menacing Imp that escorted them from the front door cleared his throat before his gravelly voice rumbled out. "Allow me to introduce Princess Charlotte Magne I of House Morningstar-Eden and Senorita Vaggie!"

A few of the guests graced the two with a welcoming glance or somesuch, but most had not heard the announcement. However, a rather tall owl-demon was elegantly gliding across the floor to them, greyish-blue plumage glimmering in the candelight. "Charlotte! How marvelous to see you again."

"Hi Uncle Stolas!" Charlie smiled as she returned the hug from Stolas, the owl-demon raising a feathery brow as he regarded Vaggie.

"Is this the young lady that has captured your heart that I've heard of dear?" When the princess eagerly nodded, Stolas extravagently bowed, his lanky form comically slanted. "Prince Stolas I of House Belladonna and it is a genuine pleasure to finally meet you."

Despite herself, Vaggie found a slight heat in her cheeks as the owl-demon pecked her knuckles. "Nice to meet you too. Charlie talks about you every now and then."

"Nothing good I imagine." Stolas commented in a playful tone.

Charlie nervously chuckled as she ran a hand through her hair. "I...kinda had to explain this year's November issue."

"Hardly my finest moment." The prince airily giggled. "But I do hope I can improve your opinion of me over the course of tonight." When the trio reached the short marble stairway leading to the dancefloor, Stolas lightly ushered the couple to the floor. "I'll get the band to put something good on for you kids."

Watching the incredibly tall demon stride through the audience, Vaggie blinked. "Dios, you were not exaggerating."

"He's bigger then life in every way except for sideways according to Mom." Charlie quipped. Her ears pricked up at the song that was starting, pale golden eyes widening in excitement. "Ohmygosh!"

While more subdued, the moth-demoness couldn't help but smile at her girlfriend as the two recognized the first few notes. Once they were on the floor, Vaggie's hand was resting on Charlie's shoulder, the princess' hand around her waist. Charlie led their waltz, the two effortlessly melding into the unspoken flow the other dances followed. Despite being centuries younger then the demons in the Stuart and Georgian-era attires, Vaggie elegantly kept pace with them in well-practiced steps, the black silk of her dress swaying with each motion.

The melody swelled, the two replying in kind. Charlie's hand was temporarily parted from the moth-demoness' back as Vaggie gracefully twirled before sliding back into her lover's arms as sure as the tide returns to sea. From one foot to the other, both of them smoothly flowed and weaved between other dancers, Charlie's arms curling around her lover's back as Vaggie looped hers around the princess' neck. Pale gold pools stared into the lone pink and ivory eye as the final notes winded to silence, two pairs of lips connecting for a moment.

"...Hell is Heaven with you." Vaggie breathed.

"Thank you..." The princess' rosy cheeks softly glowed, Charlie's smile widening. "Are you up for the next song?"

Vaggie lightly shook her head as the two vacated the dancefloor. "I actually forgot lunch hun..."

From the way the moth demoness was eyeing the buffet table, Charlie giggled. Any reply was interrupted as her lanky uncle returned. "Charlotte, there's some Earls I belive you'd love to meet." Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, the owl demon began leading her towards a pair of reptillian demons dressed in British admiral uniforms.

While a hand was on the hilt to her knife that she kept strapped to her thigh, Vaggie took a few deep breaths, her temper waning. She managed to release her dagger and turn her hungry attention to the free food that was laid out before her in large piles. Grabbing a plate, Vaggie hastily collected Hellish seafood from Devilfish cuts to Hellprawn cutlets. There was a crunch as her teeth bit down on one of the Hellprawns, a quick jerk yanking its exoskeleton off for the moth-demoness to enjoy the food.

About halfway through her dinner, she could've sworn she heard Angel's snarky tone remark "Yeesh, you get off a juice fast or somethin'?"

"Fuck you Angel." Vaggie reflexively snapped before she took another bite of fish. She froze halfway, her wide eye turning to see the spider demon right next to her. While she choked on her mouthful of fish, she avoided coughing out any of it.

"Hey, better not choke on that cuz I don't know the Heimlich." Angel quipped. Unlike when she saw him last, Angel had cleaned up all trace of having been on a ship for two weeks without cleaning himself. Not only did his fur regain its pale pink lustre, but had been smoothed to make the wine red dress he was in more flattering to his figure. A pale blonde wig was atop his head, its golden curls accentuating his self-proclaimed "irresistable body" even more.

"Wh-how...w-why...?!" Vaggie spluttered.

"Relax, I'm just someone's arm candy instead of his mass-murder accomplice." The spider retorted. "I can behave you know."

With the shock wearing off, Vaggie immediately felt a familiar spike of rage. "Listen, if you pull one of your fucking--!!"

"Did I fucking stutter?" Angel huffed. "Look, I got paid to behave and pretend to be my client's girlfriend so he'll look so cool and dignified."

While it took significant effort to reign in her temper, Vaggie recalled when she was paid for similar services in life. An icy dagger slid across her spine at the foul memories, but in a well-practiced motion she returned the situation at hand. "Where's everyone else at?"

"Some bar near the docks." Angel answered with a shrug. "And knowing Cherri, she's probably in a brawl right now."

* * *

"Dammit old man! You know how to party!" Cherri whooped before taking another deep gulp from the iron tankard in her hand. Normally she'd be at the bar, but the current occupants forced her to use one of the booths. Not that she minded, it gave her an excellent view of the show before her.

Husk was in a line with other demons atop the bar, not a particularly unusual sight for the feline demon. But what was odd was not only the fact he was dancing, but he was exceptionally good at it. Three other demons were with him, his dancing partners dressed in worn and frayed navy uniforms, the hammer and sickle embroided on their sleeves as they performed the Cossack Kick in unison.

"You dance as if you're from the motherland too comrade!" A bear demon crowed to Husk. "The only question is if you can keep up with one!"

"Buddy, I'm about to dance circles around ya!" Husk boasted, and his good-natured jibe was met with a roar of approval as the Russian folk music picked up in volume and tempo.

Cherri laughed aloud as she watched what was probably the most intense dance battle ever to take place unfold before she felt someone slug her shoulder. "What!?" She snapped -flinging her fist in a wild throw- and just barely missed a thick-set tiger demon's ducking face. 

"Whoa, little comrade!" The newcomer laughed jovially, and Cherri noticed a small group of other demons around him, all of them in Red Navy uniforms. "We noticed you drinking and thought perhaps you would be up for a challenge? That is, if you can handle it."

There was a collection of laughter from the group as Cherri eyed them belligerently when a large grin shaped her features. "Bring it on, fatass! None of you Ruski losers can last a round with me!"

"And so the challenge is met!" The tiger demon laughed and a rambunctious Cherri was quickly swept up in a crowd of cheers and sloshing tankards of vodka.

"Should we keep an eye on her?" Nifty asked, missing her own pun.

Alastor merely laughed. "And interrupt all the fun?"

"Ok~!" Humming cheerily to herself, Nifty immediately busied herself with cleaning up the mess left in the booth while Alastor enjoyed a lesuirely sip from his whiskey tumbler.

As she scrubbed rather viciously at a rather large and unknown stain on the table, Nifty kept one eye on the goings on of her crew-members. Husk was still dancing up a storm, up on the bar itself and in the opposite side of the room Cherri had already drank -or sucker punched- two contestants under the table and was working through her thrid. 

Her attention was caught by a marginally quiter booth in the farthest corner from their own, and was quick to noticed a shuffling and dealing of cards among some typical pirate demons.

"Hey Ally!" She called, using a nickname that anyone else would've instantly been killed for. 

The Radio Demon pulled his attention away from Cherri's drinking-turned slugfest. "Yes, M'dear?"

"Look!" Scarlet eyes followed a tiny finger and immediately noted the poker game happening in the corner. 

"Ahh yes, well spotted Deary!" 

Patting the tufts of pink hair as he stood, Alistor finished his drink and made his way towards the booth, a familiar grin already shadowing his face.

"Gentlemen!" Was his call as he approached. When they first looked up, there was an array of scowls and sneers. However, even the thickest of the lot was quick to pick up on the menacing aura shrouding the imposing red figure and the looks of scorn were soon replaced with caution.

"... Wodda yew want?" One of them snapped and Alastor's smile grew more unnerving. 

"Why I'm here to make a deal with you, of course!" The scarlet demon invitingly laughed "My luck against yours in a simple game of Euker! Whoever loses is indebted to the winner, and I have no shame in admitting I have quite an influence here in Hell. An enticing offer, wouldn't you say?"

Any caution the group had was lost as seeds of greed took root and a collection of leering smirks twisted onto their faces. 

"Alroighty then mate, ye' got yer'self a deal." One of them confirmed. Perhaps it was the copious amounts of liquor in their systems, or the gloom of the run-down bar, but no one picked up on when Alastor's smile when from sinister to down-right evil. 

"Excellent."

Watching the tall, red demon slide into the booth with the others, Nifty smiled cheerfully and finished scrubbing their booth to sparkling perfection. "I wonder if the others are having as much fun?"

* * *

With Vaggie reassured that he would not be unleashing his usual mayhem shenanigans and Charlie convinced of the matter, Angel was free to resume discretely stuffing eclairs into his purse. While the spider wished he had his fur-lined 'Courtesan Coat' and its many pockets to hide his pilfered deserts, he had more then enough space in his handbag.

While the dessert table still had a lot to offer its guests, each mound of sugary delights was significantly smaller when Angel left. Scanning the crowd, his mismatched eyes lit up when he spotted his client for the night. Clearing his throat a few times and adjusting his hair and bust, Angel's voice became more femenine as he approached. However, the conversation he heard made him freeze.

"...and here you are as an admiral?" A lanky demon with a crown of horns snorted with a condescending laugh Angel knew too well. "Yet again you're pretending to be someone of importance."

"I-I AM a demon of significance!" Sir Pentious hotly retorted, the snake demon's back to Angel. "Many across Hell know my name--"

"Because you're a joke you fat slug." A skeletal demon dressed as in some absurdly fancy suit snarked. "Why the Royalty invite you every year is beyond me."

_"You're the weak link in the family, a liability to your own brother and sister."_ A darkly familiar voice echoed in Angel's memories, twisting his heart for a moment until he brought himself away from the disapproving glare and back to the ballroom at hand.

Glancing at Sir Pentious' hand, Angel saw it curled into a fist, hard enough for a few drops of blood to drip down his hand. Whispering a few times to make sure his voice was convincingly womanly, Angel sauntered up to the demon that paid for him, hips swaying in the most alluring way. The two demons that picked on Sir Pentious were virtually gaping, jaws slack as Angel's arms looped around the snake demon's shoulders.

"If you two will excuse us, I need my dearest Pentious for myself." Angel's tone was so sweet, the other two demons' teeth practically rotted out before they began clearing their throats.

"Listen Miss, your date is no one of consequence..." The many-horned demon had the gall to try and take Angel's hand. "...and I assure you I can show you a much better time then him."

The spider airily giggled as he removed the offending hand from his presence. "Listen hun, no matter how much you dress up, you're still shit."

That caused the smile to quickly turn to a snarl, the horned demon roughly grabbing Angel's wrist. Nothing truly drastic happened though as a large revolver slid out of Sir Pentious' sleeve and was aimed right for the horned demon's head quicker then any of them blinked, those scarlet eyes glaring with a hatred that even made Angel recoil.

"Let. Her. GO." Sir Pentious hissed as he thumbed back the hammer to his gun.

The horned demon released Angel before stomping away with his skeletal friend. The spider glanced at Sir Pentious' hand to see the gun slide back into its hiding spot on some sort of spring-mechanism, the snake eagerly leading Angel away from the two demons. While there were a few other demons around the pair, none heard Angel whisper in his usual voice. "The Hell's up those two's asses?"

"A proverbial stick." Sir Pentious huffed. Oddly, the snake was keeping quiet, acting not as melodramatic or hamming it up Angel thought he would've. Despite the grim look Pentious had, the spider sensed something was off.

"...sooooo, why all the chivalry?"

"Because I'm your fiance."

"That...that's not how it works." Angel sighed. "You paid me to be your date and pretend to be your fiance."

"S-sorry, just trying to keep in character."

If there's one thing Sir Pentious couldn't do, it was lie. Angel had been lying nearly all his life, his devil-may-care smile a facade and when he looked at Pentious, he could easily see something hidden behind a crumbling mask. While all for trying to brighten the mood, the question Angel was left to ponder was how as he left his handcuffs and lube bottles on the ship so he could fit stolen food inside his purse.

Then again, he doubted the Victorian-era demon was much for public sex.

"So Pentious, when are you going to sweep me off my feet with a dance?" Angel's teasing tone vanished the second he saw Pentious freeze, those crimson eyes absolutely stricken.

"D-d-dance?! W-why w-would I d-d-do that?!" The snake demons' many eyes darted in every direction, some of the other demons that had been invited either pointed or exchanging hushed laughs at Sir Pentious.

That was when Angel saw the absolutely disheartened look in the eye on Sir Pentious' hat. It was desperately trying not to cry and for the first time in his existence, Angel could empathize with a hat.

Sliding back into his woman's voice, Angel began leading Sir Pentious back to the main door. "We should get you back to your ship Admiral."

Getting their overcoats back from the doormen, Angel slid his scarlet and fur-lined Courtesan Coat back on as Sir Pentious buttoned up his double-breasted coat. The two were quiet as they vacated the majestic palace and strode through the night streets. While many of the bars and restaurants were still open, neither were tempted by the smells of seafood or liquor.

Turning his mismatched eyes back to Sir Pentious, Angel could see the absolutely resigned look in the snake demon's face. It was quite unnerving to see anything other then a manic grin or confused look contorting his reptillian features.

"...are they always like that with you?" The tender question slipped out before Angel realized it.

"Every year..." Sir Pentious sniffed.

The spider's eye-shadowed brows shot to his faux hairline at that. "ALL of them?!"

"Well, not the Princess, but the rest do..." The snake sadly laughed.

Reaching the docked Cirein-Croin, the two strode aboard. Rather suddenly, Sir Pentious' hand gently took Angel's and lifted the spider's knuckles up to his lips for the snake to kiss them. "Thank you for accompanying me tonight."

Angel was glad the lanterns were out aboard, the darkness made it hard to see the furious blush that seized his cheeks at the first kiss Pentious gave him. He didn't have time to respond as the snake slithered below decks. While tempted to follow, Angel knew better then to. Removing his ruby-encrusted gold necklace, his many rings and bracelets followed as he stuffed them into his coat's pockets.

He knew Sir Pentious was probably bawling his eyes out into a pillow because that's what Angel did before he learnt to drown himself in drugs.


	21. Gone With the Tide

_Day 40_  
Dear Diary,  
So last night was AWESOME!! First, me and Vaggie spent most of it just dancing to musical theater's best love songs which was without a doubt an absolutely magical night. Sure a few lunkheads were there, but it was nowhere near enough to kill the mood and Vaggie was able to relax and she is just so pretty when she's at ease (you know that smile she has? The really special one? Yeah, that one). After a few hours of dancing, we got to the room Stolas booked for us in Castle Iberia (the venue for the event); king-sized bed, giant bathroom, lovely balcony view, open mini-fridge, the works. We ended up spending a few more hours in the bath to unwind before taking some time to admire Heaven in the night sky. While we ended up burnt out, it was from all the shared fun and we eneded up going to bed pretty late. Woke up late this morning too, I probably would've kept snuggling sleepy Vaggie until lunch if Razzle and Dazzle hadn't brought us food.

Oh yeah, and we got some of the Cavaliers interested in the Hotel too (knew I was forgetting something)! Contessa Guillotine and the Earl of Bones made sizable donations (and were open to full-on sponsoring us if we could prove that Redemption works) while Duchess Venom says that an old contact of hers would be interested in signing up with us!! A Sinner from circa 1600s Britain; Baron Nox. He was not present at the Ball, but the Duchess gave us his current residence and we're in luck! He doesn't live to far from Port Royal, his estate is in the Forsaken Reach. We should be arriving in only a couple days.

Concerning the others, Sir Pentious is his usual "villainous" self. He seems to have bounced back from yet another stressful Cavalier Ball, but Angel's started flirting with him now. Unlike most people Angel flirts with, Pentious becomes a stammering flustered mess and I think Angel is enjoying the attention (he's still making a few passes at Husk and Alastor). Cherri's hungover and Husk had to bandage his hands (or are they paws??), apparently they got a little rowdy with a Soviet submarine crew that was on shore leave. Vaggie was understandably angry at first, but I found the submarine captain and him and his crew are rather chill with the whole thing. Alastor isn't talking about what he got up to, only that he had "a most profitable evening" (the smile he had when he said that is worrying, but so far there's nothing to suggest he kick-started a turf war or anything).

Cirein-Croin's doing quite well, she's completely recovered from our sojourn into the Trident and from the Cristero skirmish. She's up for continuing the voyage as long as we want and she seems eager to find some ships to sink. A worrying notion for certain, but I've been able to persuade her to only fight defensively (not sure how long she'll keep her word on that matter, but I have faith in her honor).

We've mostly resupplied, only got a few more provisions to procure before we set sail again. Overall, we're looking mighty pretty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to head back to sea, but there's a little surprise awaiting....

**Author's Note:**

> Do comment, I'd love to know what you think


End file.
